ANIKA's Journal

5:55pm: i'm surprised i remembered my pasword
Recently I've been thinking of LJ again. I didn't know that was going to happen. I had pretty much moved on to MySpace and Facebook for socializing and given up on keeping an online journal anyway. Most of my friends are off it and what's the point of writing if no one is reading...

But I guess I like writing sometimes, because there have been a few thing recently that I wanted to post on here. I don't remember what they are... and it doesn't matter. What matters is I think I want to start writing on here again. We'll see what happens.

8:17pm: because we rock
Camp Sparky is on Wikipedia!!!

so excited (becasue I'm a CS geek)

1:27pm: almost done
I defended and turned in my thesis today.

There's still a ton left to do before the design show, but it's nice to have one thing out of the way.

3:21pm: pity me
I used to tell people I never get sick. It wasn't totally true. I get sick just like everyone else only I'm lucky enough to have very mild symptoms, so usually ignore it and am just in denial about being sick.

I'm sick now, and I know it.

Not really sick, just a little. Not the kind where you can't function, the kind where you can function just fine but it's annoying as hell.

I'm sneezy and coughy and my nose feels funny. It feels like it's all stuffed up, but I can breath just fine. And it's only slightly runny. My throat feels, not exactly sore or raw, just weird - I want to say it feels empty but that doesn't make sense. I'm not even sure what type of medicine to get to deal with these symptoms, but I want something and I want it now.

update okay, my nose decided it wanted to go crazy on me. It got all stuffed up last night and I had trouble falling asleep. Now it won't stop running. I didn't know it could run this much, it should run out of stuff to run. I decided to stay home from school today. I could have gone in and been sick there, but sleeping in and relaxing seemed like the best choice. I'm debating whether I should go to work this afternoon or not.

7:51pm: two holidays in one
Someone brought red devil's food cupcakes with cream cheese frosting to work today. I don't know who it was, but they were in the break room when I got there, and they were delicious.

Also, Arizona was admitted to the union on this day in 1912. Happy Arizona Day!

5:24pm: i *heart* mean doctor types
I ran out of Scrubs episodes on peek vid (I didn't watch all of them, they just don't all work). I am now watching House. There's just something about Dr. Cox and Dr. House that make me unable to perform my basic homework duties. Maybe I should get checked out by a cranky, sarcastic, ego maniacal doctor.

3:30pm: when i grow up
I want to join a CSA and get yummy food.

3:37pm: foiled again
Last spring I put my TV away for the semester and was more productive. I decided to try it again. So today I put the TV and DVD player and remote under the bed. Then I watched 4 episodes of Scrubs on peek vid instead of doing my homework.

2:24pm: and you thought the classes would be the hardest part of graduating
Yesterday I went to the:

College of Liberal Arts & Sciences advising office
Financial Aid office
College of Design advising office
Psychology advising office
Honors College advising office
and Registrar's office

I would have gone to the Graduation office and the Cashiers office as well, but the stuff at all the other offices didn't totally pan out so I can't register to graduate until next week. But everything appears to be well on it's way to getting me out of here. Yay!

School is good this semester. I have my design studio and a class on Flash - I am referring to those as my "real" classes. I am also taking creative environments (journal writing and meditating), dance, cultural encounters (going to museums and plays on the honors college), and my thesis (same project as my design studio) - we'll call these my "fake" classes. My job is boring, but it pays. I'm trying to get an internship, as well. I had a good interview this morning and am going to another in about half an hour; I'll update once I get one. Camp Sparky is of course time consuming but gratifying. And I'm thinking about joining a couple of dance clubs on campus. That's what's new with me.

10:57pm: if being an adult means you have to worry about money count me out
My check got lost in the mail on its way to Visa (I know... I should do online transfers... back off). I didn't realize this until my card got declined 3 times while x-mas shopping. So I called them and paid a bunch of the bill over the phone and they dropped the fee (yay!). Then they got my original check (3 weeks after I sent it) and processed that as well. So I wound up paying twice as much as I intended and am now going on a trip to Chicago with only $25 in my checking account. Go me!

Also, the federal government decided I don't deserve their loans anymore because I have over 180 credits and now ASU is charging me $9,000 for my last semester because, despite the fact that I've lived here for almost 6 years, they refuse to consider me an AZ resident.

*Pouts*

10:55pm: i just don't want to be productive
I got home from work and watched 5 hours of TV. I'm thinking about watching a movie now.

I just don't want to do anything else (well, maybe read for fun, but I'm in the middle of 2 series and don't have the next book from either one handy).

I should be looking for an internship, or doing the dishes, or taking care of Camp Sparky stuff, or working out, or doing thesis research, or having a social life (it's friday night) - but I'm not, cause I don't wanna. And it would be okay if this just happened once, but it's been every day this week. And I just got back from vacation, it's not like I need a break.

I'm leaving again on Tuesday (yay trip to chicago!) and I'm hoping some of this stuff will get done by then, but I'm not feeling too motivated.

4:29pm: all done!
I turned in my last paper today and am now officially done for the semester.

The writing of the paper was a pretty impressive feat of procrastination. I received the assignment last Tuesday and proceeded to ignore it all week and over the weekend (not that I had anything else to do, I just didn't want to do this). I decided I would start working on it on Sunday. I had Camps Sparky stuff on Sunday morning and then went to dinner with friends (and of course couldn't work on the paper for the 8 hours between those two events). At dinner, said friends and I decided to go back to my place to watch a movie. I decided to work on the paper Monday morning, but I slept in. I had work that afternoon and a final that evening. Then I picked up a book from Eric. Instead of working on my paper I spent Monday night and all day Tuesday reading. Tuesday evening I went to a birthday dinner and then came home and read some more. The plan was to wake up early this morning to get the paper done. I kept turning the alarm off. I wound up writing the paper between 9:30 and 11:30 this morning (it was due at noon). I am amazing!

By the way, it's not my fault. The dark elves made me do it.

I *heart* Drizzt Do'Urden.

10:46am: My joints have been stiff and achy recently. As far as I can tell the only thing I did to bing this on was turn 24. I feel old.

8:49am: it's been stuck in my head for three days
When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said,
"Son when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken,
The beaten and the damned?"
He said
"Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non believers, the plans that they have made?"
Because one day I leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade."

When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said,
"Son when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken,
The beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go. Through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.
When you're gone we want you all to know We'll Carry on,
We'll Carry on
Though your dead and gone believe me Your memory will carry on
Carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I cant contain it
The anthem wont explain it.

And we will send you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Lets shout it loud and clear
Do you fight it to the end
We hear the call to

To carry on
We'll carry on
Though your dead and gone believe me Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated Your weary widow marches on

And on we carry through the fears
Ooh oh ohhhh
Disappointed faces of your peers Ooh oh ohhhh
Take a look at me cause
I could not care at all Do or die
You'll never make me
Cause the world, will never take my heart
You can try, you'll never break me
Want it all,
I'm gonna play this part
Wont explain or say i'm sorry
I'm not ashamed,
I'm gonna show my scar
You're the chair, for all the broken Listen here, because it's only..
I'm just a man,
I'm not a hero
Just a boy, who's meant to sing this song
Just a man,
I'm not a hero
I -- don't -- care
Carry on
We'll carry on
Though your dead and gone believe me Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated You're weary widow marches on
We'll carry on
We'll carry on
We'll carry on
We'll carry
We'll carry on

1:20pm: why is a good relationship so hard to find?
We fought last night - the laser cutter and I.

He's such a tease! Two hours were spent beautifully etching the face of my clock yesterday morning, but then it refused to cut the damn thing out in a circle. It wouldn't even recognize my file. Jerk.

I came back this morning. I was scared it would cut in the wrong place, destroying my project and wasting a lot of my time and money. I managed to coax it into doing what I needed. My clock is a little scorched around the edges, but will suffice for finals.

I suppose we made up, but the magic is gone along with a certain level of trust.

10:54am: but it's cool
I love the laser cutter in obscenely unhealthy ways.
I love the sound it makes, and the way it smells, and most of how how it makes my shit look so kick ass.

who wants something laser cut for x-mas?

12:47pm: yay!
Thanksgiving should always involve champagne in a hot tub with 7 of your closest friends.

And every weekend should have 4 days.

11:27am: too lazy to make a real post
The hour's late and the lights are low
I'm walking home just kicking stones
I waited at the deopt you never showed
You missed the last bus hours ago
I remember the first time
I saw you on the street
You looked so pretty my heart skipped a beat
I can't wait any longer but I still feel the heat
I'm down but I'm still on my feet

I walked on down the old fairground
Up from the docks blew a lonely sound

I sat for a while on the cold hard ground
Watched the stars slowly turn as the earth spun around
As the past falls behind up ahead there's a crack
Of light shining bright through the night so black
Like a runaway train rolling down the track
From here there's no turning back

Listen to me baby
Once upon a time
My heart was an ocean
You swam against the tide
THe time is past for grieving
My tears have all run dry
I'll leave you with my love
And now I say goodbye

The bottles broke the glasses are cracked
The cards are all dealt and the chips have been stacked
The lamp shades busted and the curtains are torn
The door keeps knocking but there's nobody home
I stood by the road brushed a tear from my eye
Cursed the cars and the rain and the rolling grey sky
I turned around turned my back on that town
And I never looked back again

9:02pm: it's just not right
It was 85 today.
I got a sunburn.
It's November.

11:25am: blah
I've been in a weird mood for a few weeks. Or maybe all semester. Not continually, just on and off. I can't quite describe it as anything other than a funk- there's a little depression in there and last week was midterms so the anxiety came back full swing, but there's other stuff too. I've been in college for 6 years now. I've had 3 senior years and this one is actually the LAST one. I'm in a senior slump pretty bad. I am not at all motivated to do any of my school work, and I took a lot of credits this semester so that's a lot of work I'm not doing. I've never been good at transition and I don't want to have to graduate and get a job. but I can't handle school anymore and I feel like I need to get out. My social life is, well, MY social life -so it's not always that enjoyable. I tried dating a couple of guys and realized after years of thinking desperately wanted a boyfriend that I don't. I'm having odd mood swings in regards to the end of a very long pseudo relationship. And all of my friends started dating people and having babies. Okay, one of my friends got pregnant and a couple of my friends got boyfriends/girlfriends. But it still makes me question what I want/need/should have in my life. And I haven't been taking good care of myself. I don't have the time/motivation to eat healthy or work out. Right now, Laine's hermit idea is sounding pretty good. I think I could really handle just being away from everyone and everything, forever. That would take some planning and money though, and I couldn't actually deal with the anxiety of just dropping all my responsibilities. It's a nice idea though. What I really want, that is feasible, is a pint of ice cream and some cookie dough. I just can't manage to muster up the motivation to shower and get dressed.

I've been listening to a lot of Alkaline Trio

Hello what the hell am I doin' here
That's a really nice suit
This is a really comfortable chair
See I don't know if you can help me or not
Cause I don't feel sick
But the pains in my head have almost put me
Underground
I don't really care if I'm healthy or not
Just clean my head up doc
I'll give you anything you want
See I don't know why I don't fall in love
Well maybe I know why and maybe you could make it stop
Then we'll cut it up and bury it and leave it
Underground
And I'll take to wishing and fall under
Sleeping safe and sound
Just give me medicine prescribe me anything
Just knock me out and walk me through the door
I have no desire to see through my own eyes anymore
Hello what the hell are you doing here
You made a really strange face
This is a really uncomfortable air
I see I'm boring you, maybe I bore myself too
That's why I need help, I'm cleaning blood off dusty shelves
I been cut up in this room so many times it might take days
And those stress cracks in the wood
How nicely the soak up the stains
Been telling myself these jokes for so long well so long
I'm a has been who is heckled on the stage

8:57pm: I don't feel good
I feel really nauseous. I think I ate something not too good. I just want to curl up and go to sleep, but I can't because I am sooooooo fucked on my homework. I had no idea I was as far behind as I am. I think I might skip studio tomorrow and I still probably won't get stuff done at a decent level on time (meaning it'll be done, but it might fall apart or get a bad grade). I have a take home test/5-page paper for anthro tomorrow that I haven't even thought about yet and a huge design project with multiple components due Wednesday (one component is started the others aren't). I have other homework too, but that's the emergency stuff.

I don't even want to think about the reason I haven't done stuff over the last week. I feel kinda sick about that too.

In other news, I got a movie from Blockbuster called "Save the Green Planet." I thought it was a documentary on environmental issues. It turned out to be a Chinese comedy about alien invasion. I don't know how that got by me. It looks pretty good though, I think we'll watch it at movie night this week.

I'm going back to my work now.

11:44pm: mmmmm beer
I *heart* Black Boss Porter

8:41am: go see it
I finally got to go see "Little Miss Sunshine" last night. I've been wanting to see it since 30 seconds into the first preview I saw for it. It was great. I really liked it. You should all go see it.

At some point I'll try to do an update here of what's been going on in my life recently. But I'm freakishly busy right now, so I'm not sure when it'll happen.

10:39pm: it was a reallly bad day
I love my best friend. She makes me not cry so much.

10:12pm: I just watched King Kong (the new one). I might have cried a little.

Then I thought about all the homework, and regular work, and client work, and Camp Sparky work, and thesis work, and other work I have to do. That made me want to cry a lot.

I'm glad it's a long weekend.